Saturday, May 25, 2013

Tears for Kenya

I am  now officially a RPCV (Returned Peace Corps Volunteer) in government speak.  After 24 hours of travel I will once again plop my feet on US soil for the first time in two years.  I am finishing my service a bit early because there are quite a few things at home that now need my immediate attention.

So what am I feeling right now?  Hmmmm?  Kinda like I'm in a state of suspended animation.  I know in the past two years I have changed, you have changed and the world has changed.  I also know navigating those changes will be a new challenge as I start to consider what lies next for me.  There are sooooo many things I will not miss about Kenya but then it's like being in labor.  Once the baby is born, you forget about all the discomfort and focus on that pretty new life.  And those are the deeply heartfelt memories of the people, places, customs and experiences that will warm my heart with tenderness forever.

And those are the things that cause me to shed tears for Kenya.

I had been contemplating my return home for a few months but as the time drew to within a week, I found myself teary eyed as I encountered all the friends, colleagues, children in my village and elsewhere.  I had told no one yet.  Mainly because I did not want a splashy goodbye that I knew would happen, but also I didn't want my house robbed until Pastor's family could come to claim everything I was leaving behind.  I was just going to walk out the door with enough clothes to last me three days and everything else is theirs.
This is Pastor's oldest daughter Esther, age 8 and she is a love.  I took her to Eldoret with me recently and she slept at my house, ate microwave popcorn, watched Lion King and slept in what will now be her new bed without her brothers' feet in her face.

Mama Monicah will have a new gas cooker, dishes, cupboard and wardrobe. And she is so excited about not having to cook outside in the rain anymore and safely store her food and dishes without the worry of critters.  She's not sure she can remember all I told her about the microwave and toaster but knows she will enjoy having a fridge now too.

Pastor has a new canvas timbuktu to carry the word of God and other papers safely from the weather as he travels the outlying villages to minister to his flock.  The boys are thrilled to have new shirts to wear.  Doesn't even matter if they are ladies.

I really did spring my leaving on them. Literally.  Came for tea with Sukari and dropped the bomb that I was going in the morning.  The night before I had a crying jag in my bed just thinking about it, head smashed into the pillow to keep the sound from echoing thru the compound.  It scared Sukari and she jumped off the bed and hid.  So I knew I had to pull myself together if I was going to have a last night cuddle with her.

So it was very, very painful to say goodbye to people who have loved you, cared about you, cared for you and included you in every moment of their life.  They had become my family.
I enjoyed laughing with Monicah and adorable baby Joy--six months old now.
Isn't she just the cutest!!!!  And she loves Sukari and it is mutual.  Sukari is not only the family dog but the protector of this cutie and her family.  No one goes near her when she naps because Sukari is laying watch under the bed and will growl.
And Sukari loves her new job.  Joy is the only one who can pull her tail or ears. And Sukari will nuzzle Joy at diaper level to elicit the sweetest giggle ever.

Sukari knew I was leaving because she was very clingy with me during our visit.  And when I hugged and kissed her goodbye, she had that look of knowing and didn't try to follow me out.  She is now part of a new family to whom she was promised.  And I keep my promises--or try to.  Like promising to return for a visit when Sukari becomes a Mom.  That won't happen for at least 18 months because I just gave her a birth control shot last week.  She will be an awesome Mama dog!

The next morning my trusted taxi driver Kim took me to the matatu stage--almost.  He ran out of gas for the fourth time one block away.  Not wanting to have to see him struggle with my heavy bags, I told him I would push him into the petrol station at the other end of the block.  " No Madam" he insisted but I pushed anyway and he rolled in next to the pump.  I was teasing him about it being the 4th time while he insisted it was only the 3rd.  Instead of paying him 100 shillings for the ride I paid the 300 for the petrol.  He just looked at me quietly.  I put my now dusty, dirty, bruised self back in the car to drive up the hill to the matatu and Kim says"Madam, you really love me don't you?"  "Yes, Kim."  He loaded my bags into the vehicle and for the first time ever, came and gave me a big hug and looked sweetly in my face.  No words.  Like Sukari, he knew I was leaving for good.

So it's time to come back to my home.  I'm overjoyed just thinking about seeing family and friends.  But also very saddened knowing how quiet my little place will be without my two boys to go on walks, cuddle and provide me sloppy kisses when needed.  Kahlua's sudden death a week ago is still such a shock. He just missed me and Cognac too much and let go.

So at this moment there are tears for Kenya and will probably be many more.  And then home will bring new tears for what I left behind and what will also lie ahead.  Here's to soft landings for the future.

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